Morning rituals can be a really happy, comforting part of the day. Mine aren't too funny. I eat Frosted Mini Wheats out of the box and take a walk. But here are two pretty good morning rituals...
And just for fun...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
80's Revisited
Here's two ideas of what might happen if the 80's were re-made in the Youtube generation:
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Auto-Tune
Auto-Tune is pitch-correcting software which can make poor singers sound better -- if it is used well. Otherwise, they just sound like robots. I remember sitting at a diner in Beachwood, New Jersey, hearing robo-Cher asking if I "believe in love, in love," and wondering what was up with her voice. Now I know.
Aside from making Cher... strange... er.... autotune has the magical ability of finding music where it really isn't. Or, finding music where it was all along. Like in the evening news:
Or in classic internet videos (credit to the same artists):
Aside from making Cher... strange... er.... autotune has the magical ability of finding music where it really isn't. Or, finding music where it was all along. Like in the evening news:
Or in classic internet videos (credit to the same artists):
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Talking Animals
A common element of many fantasy and general fiction stories is the speech of animals. When we have pets, they become almost human to us. And us such, we tend to wonder what they might be thinking. Once, I tried to evangelize my cat. I wonder if it worked.
I've also often wondered what cats do when they're on their own. I dreamed of putting a camera on my cat's head, and recording his daily activities. I never did it. But someone else did, and wrote about their results. Number one thing that pets do when you're gone: look out the window.
Anyway, I think someone recently did a pretty good job of translating inter-cat communications about territory rights: What do you think?
Here's another one --- catnip explained:
Dogs aren't exempt from translation efforts:
And every now and then, an animal makes translation unnecessary, and just tells it like it is:
But what could it mean???
I've also often wondered what cats do when they're on their own. I dreamed of putting a camera on my cat's head, and recording his daily activities. I never did it. But someone else did, and wrote about their results. Number one thing that pets do when you're gone: look out the window.
Anyway, I think someone recently did a pretty good job of translating inter-cat communications about territory rights: What do you think?
Here's another one --- catnip explained:
Dogs aren't exempt from translation efforts:
And every now and then, an animal makes translation unnecessary, and just tells it like it is:
But what could it mean???
Monday, May 3, 2010
Wow Factor
The Princess Juliana airport on Saint Maarten in the Netherland Antilles is right next to a pristine beach. But you have to wonder if people come for the view of the water, or for the view of this:
Another interesting view:
But to some extent, you have to wonder if the airport just got put somewhere where it shouldn't have been put. That makes me think of parking lot accidents. (Doesn't it make you think of parking lot accidents? No? What's wrong with you?) Parking can be hard --- but with the kindness of strangers, even the hardest (easiest) tasks can be managed:
Another interesting view:
But to some extent, you have to wonder if the airport just got put somewhere where it shouldn't have been put. That makes me think of parking lot accidents. (Doesn't it make you think of parking lot accidents? No? What's wrong with you?) Parking can be hard --- but with the kindness of strangers, even the hardest (easiest) tasks can be managed:
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Future and Freebies
I recently listened to the Flight of the Conchords song, "The Humans are Dead," which opens by setting the scene as, "the distant future... the year 2000." Now Bret and Jamaine are referring to music in the distant future for comedic effect --- but music will probably still be around in the distant future.
I've been impressed by the staying power of classical music, much of which has remained popular for hundreds of years. I wonder how many of the recent hit songs will still be played in the next century. I don't think too many of my great-great-great grandkids will ever sing, "oops, I did it again." And probably none of them will know what zig-a-zig-ah means.
Still, when folks in the real distant future look back at our music, what might they think (after a millenium or so passes, and time distorts some facts.)?
Here's a suggestion:
And here's a bonus video, just because I love it:
Pong, which shows up in the candle video, was the first hit video game. It's pretty awesome to be the first to do something. Would you like to be the first in your country to do something? The first ten people to write to tenminutehumor@yahoo.com will get a pack of Ten Minute Humor cards. If you keep them for yourself, you might be the only person in all of Australia to have them. Or give them away, and see if they make you popular.
Have a great week.
Want to be the first in your country to do something
I've been impressed by the staying power of classical music, much of which has remained popular for hundreds of years. I wonder how many of the recent hit songs will still be played in the next century. I don't think too many of my great-great-great grandkids will ever sing, "oops, I did it again." And probably none of them will know what zig-a-zig-ah means.
Still, when folks in the real distant future look back at our music, what might they think (after a millenium or so passes, and time distorts some facts.)?
Here's a suggestion:
And here's a bonus video, just because I love it:
Pong, which shows up in the candle video, was the first hit video game. It's pretty awesome to be the first to do something. Would you like to be the first in your country to do something? The first ten people to write to tenminutehumor@yahoo.com will get a pack of Ten Minute Humor cards. If you keep them for yourself, you might be the only person in all of Australia to have them. Or give them away, and see if they make you popular.
Have a great week.
Want to be the first in your country to do something
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday and Coffee
Sometimes it's really difficult to get up in the morning, on any day. Bed is so inviting, and the work that needs to be done in the day looks large, intimidating, or just generally unpleasant. But we (eventually?) get up, and somehow get through the day. "Somehow" generally involves coffee for most of us.
Mondays are like mornings squared, and so it seems fitting to talk about coffee briefly. No matter where you live, you're probably close to a Starbucks. My typical order is a venti iced green tea, light ice, three pumps of peppermint. Sixty calories, and thirteen syllables. It's hard to beat that ratio. Do you have a more obnoxiously named "regular" drink?
By the way --- free trivia --- did you know that a 20-ounce dripped robusta coffee has about twice the caffeine as a double espresso?
Rituals can be comforting, but can also become boring. I guess that's why the abundance of variety coffee drinks has found a significant audience. I don't know. I don't like coffee, actually. It tastes bad. Coffee ice cream just doesn't work for me. A mocha latte would be a lot better if they held the coffee out, but then it's a "hot cocoa," which doesn't sound nearly as impressive at an office meeting. What's that in your cup? Oh, it's a "triple venti extra skinny caramel mocha macchiato with extra foam, whip and double drizzle" - what's that you have Addison? "It's a hot cocoa." I've already lost image points in their eyes. Can't do it.
But still, it seems like some folks get bored with coffee. Perhaps even more bored than the rest of us, Phronk has started putting weird things in coffee, like blended Easter candy. Or salmon.
Blenders seem to come in quite handy for staving off boredom. Once you've blended candy and salmon to your morning cup of Joe, there seem to be no limits to what you can try. Check out this chemiluminescent smoothie:
Just about to leave for lunch? Hungry for smoothies? Try ordering one of the secret menu items at Jamba Juice (or any of the other secret items brilliantly collected by the folks at Mental_Floss.)
That's it for today, but before you go, what is your most unique (or most preposterous) typical drink order? Leave it in the comments, and see if you can make any converts!
Mondays are like mornings squared, and so it seems fitting to talk about coffee briefly. No matter where you live, you're probably close to a Starbucks. My typical order is a venti iced green tea, light ice, three pumps of peppermint. Sixty calories, and thirteen syllables. It's hard to beat that ratio. Do you have a more obnoxiously named "regular" drink?
By the way --- free trivia --- did you know that a 20-ounce dripped robusta coffee has about twice the caffeine as a double espresso?
Rituals can be comforting, but can also become boring. I guess that's why the abundance of variety coffee drinks has found a significant audience. I don't know. I don't like coffee, actually. It tastes bad. Coffee ice cream just doesn't work for me. A mocha latte would be a lot better if they held the coffee out, but then it's a "hot cocoa," which doesn't sound nearly as impressive at an office meeting. What's that in your cup? Oh, it's a "triple venti extra skinny caramel mocha macchiato with extra foam, whip and double drizzle" - what's that you have Addison? "It's a hot cocoa." I've already lost image points in their eyes. Can't do it.
But still, it seems like some folks get bored with coffee. Perhaps even more bored than the rest of us, Phronk has started putting weird things in coffee, like blended Easter candy. Or salmon.
Blenders seem to come in quite handy for staving off boredom. Once you've blended candy and salmon to your morning cup of Joe, there seem to be no limits to what you can try. Check out this chemiluminescent smoothie:
Just about to leave for lunch? Hungry for smoothies? Try ordering one of the secret menu items at Jamba Juice (or any of the other secret items brilliantly collected by the folks at Mental_Floss.)
That's it for today, but before you go, what is your most unique (or most preposterous) typical drink order? Leave it in the comments, and see if you can make any converts!
Friday, April 23, 2010
When Soft Guys go Tough --- or Real Life Superheroes
Last time, I talked about the shame it is when tough guys go soft. Hulk Hogan singing the days of the week, and Mr. T in short shorts singing about the miserable groans his mother made when he was born make even the toughest of the tough seem, well... I wanted to say "vulnerable" or "sensitive," but I think a less positive adjective might fit in better. Maybe... creepy? And I didn't even touch on some of the strangely costumed pro wrestlers I loved as a kid... Please don't judge me too hard...
Either way, if tough guys can get in touch with their... tender side... why can't us normal folks become superheroes? Recently, a college baseball pinch-hitter went "superman" in a big eighth-inning rally. By the way, "eighth" is a pretty difficult word to spell... The magic happens a bit after the 20 second mark.
Sports can definitely bring out the superhero in all of us. Or at the very least -- sports video games can make us imaginary superheroes. Have you ever yelled at the TV during a sporting event? How about during a video game? See what I mean?
Not all heroes are sports-related, though; and sometimes, fantasy and real life blend. For example, did you know that the Santa Claus Police Department is on Holiday Lane?
Hopefully you're inspired on this Friday afternoon to weekend acts of heroism. But if you'd rather just watch heroes and be inspired --- remember Homestar Runner from your college dorm? They just recently released their first video of the year.
Be inspired!
Either way, if tough guys can get in touch with their... tender side... why can't us normal folks become superheroes? Recently, a college baseball pinch-hitter went "superman" in a big eighth-inning rally. By the way, "eighth" is a pretty difficult word to spell... The magic happens a bit after the 20 second mark.
Sports can definitely bring out the superhero in all of us. Or at the very least -- sports video games can make us imaginary superheroes. Have you ever yelled at the TV during a sporting event? How about during a video game? See what I mean?
Not all heroes are sports-related, though; and sometimes, fantasy and real life blend. For example, did you know that the Santa Claus Police Department is on Holiday Lane?
Hopefully you're inspired on this Friday afternoon to weekend acts of heroism. But if you'd rather just watch heroes and be inspired --- remember Homestar Runner from your college dorm? They just recently released their first video of the year.
Be inspired!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
When Tough Guys go Soft
In the 80's, it was really easy to be tough. Just wear small clothes, talk unintelligibly, and be about 6'10". But with masculinity comes fame, and with fame comes the opportunity to do other things for money... Some of which are... sad. Or funny. Or just really tough in the, "I'm so tough that I can do this and still be tough" way. You decide. But my vote's against that last one:
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Five (?) Senses
I un-learned something today. I'd thought it true since childhood, but once I did un-learn it, it was plainly obvious. Thanks to the interestingly-titled "Book of General Ignorance" I now have a different answer to a question which I thought quite settled.
Quick! How many senses are there? List them!
I'll wait...
Are you done?
OK. You probably got the same five I had. Apparantly, there's at least four more: sense of heat; sense of where your limbs are, even when your eyes are closed; sense of pain; sense of balance.
I'm sure the sense of taste is maybe the easiest to advertise for, and also provides some easy fodder for humor: strange names, strange menus, strange ideas, and even good ideas poorly executed are all sources of humor.
I would also wonder if emotions might be considered a tenth sense. If so, here's one company's idea of how one sense (taste), and help another sense...
Enjoy your day!
Quick! How many senses are there? List them!
I'll wait...
Are you done?
OK. You probably got the same five I had. Apparantly, there's at least four more: sense of heat; sense of where your limbs are, even when your eyes are closed; sense of pain; sense of balance.
I'm sure the sense of taste is maybe the easiest to advertise for, and also provides some easy fodder for humor: strange names, strange menus, strange ideas, and even good ideas poorly executed are all sources of humor.
I would also wonder if emotions might be considered a tenth sense. If so, here's one company's idea of how one sense (taste), and help another sense...
Enjoy It! Antidepressant Cookies - watch more funny videos
Enjoy your day!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
The Hobbit
I just finished re-reading the Hobbit, which has me wanting to re-watch the Lord of the Rings movies. Want to watch them, too, but don't have twelve hours to spare? The folks at "How it Should Have Ended" have created a hyper-condensed alternate version, presented here in it's entirety.
Had enough yet? If not, try this version of speed hangman, this list of trivia, or this list of costumes. I wonder how many pairs of hobbit feet they've sold. And I wonder why.
Had enough yet? If not, try this version of speed hangman, this list of trivia, or this list of costumes. I wonder how many pairs of hobbit feet they've sold. And I wonder why.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Just a quick smile...
Sometimes kids say the darndest things. With only a few syllables, they touch our hearts, convey wisdom, and speak difficult truth. A neighbor child once captured in eight syllables one of the deepest, most soul-searching truths common to most humans: "I Don't Want to Practice Patience."
Still, brevity is a skill to be mastered, and sometimes humor can be found in fewer syllables. Like zero.
Still, brevity is a skill to be mastered, and sometimes humor can be found in fewer syllables. Like zero.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Ultimate Excitement Awesomeness Power Action Go!
Wednesday is often called "hump day." I'll ignore the seventh grader in my brain right now, and instead acknowledge that often, by Wednesday, we need just a little bit of extra juice, excitement, energy, or inspiration to make it through the week. Sometimes that happens by Tuesday. Sometimes by Monday.
Whenever you hit your mid-week slumps, though, action movies can be a great source of inspiration. Fight the bad guys, save the helpless, fall in love, all in two hours. Kinda makes you want to get up and write an expense report.
Don't have two hours? Then just watch trailers. This one should last you for a while!
Well, I'm off to go switch bodies with Fred Savage.
Until Now,
Addison
Whenever you hit your mid-week slumps, though, action movies can be a great source of inspiration. Fight the bad guys, save the helpless, fall in love, all in two hours. Kinda makes you want to get up and write an expense report.
Don't have two hours? Then just watch trailers. This one should last you for a while!
Well, I'm off to go switch bodies with Fred Savage.
Until Now,
Addison
Monday, March 29, 2010
Fortune Cookies
Fortune Cookies are great. They're low in calories, unique in shape, abundant in wisdom, and free with lunch. But just in case you haven't got Chinese on the menu today, I brought a fortune cookie for you.
But I guess like all things in life, even fortune cookies can have an off day.
To make up for that, though, I've written my own fortune for you. Enjoy:
Some days, no matter how hard we try, things still work out alright. May this be one of those days for you. Like it did for these people.
But I guess like all things in life, even fortune cookies can have an off day.
To make up for that, though, I've written my own fortune for you. Enjoy:
Some days, no matter how hard we try, things still work out alright. May this be one of those days for you. Like it did for these people.
Friday, March 26, 2010
A Day in the Life...
Have you ever noticed that life sometimes seems to get into a bit of a pattern? Every day you wake up from the same bed, drink the same coffee, put on the same underwe-- um, shoes, and eat the same breakfast:
You get in the same car, go to the same office, and use the same computer (although you've never quite gotten the hang of it):
You log off the same computer, leave the same office, get in the same car, drive the same residential streets, and just try to go home without going broke:
Finally, you get home, fix the same dinner, sit on the same couch, and turn on the TV, where on your favorite quiz shows you look to your educational superiors for wisdom.
Thank God for the weekend! See you on Monday when we get to do this over again!
You get in the same car, go to the same office, and use the same computer (although you've never quite gotten the hang of it):
You log off the same computer, leave the same office, get in the same car, drive the same residential streets, and just try to go home without going broke:
Finally, you get home, fix the same dinner, sit on the same couch, and turn on the TV, where on your favorite quiz shows you look to your educational superiors for wisdom.
Thank God for the weekend! See you on Monday when we get to do this over again!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Educational Value Wednesday
It would be a shame for a humor blog to have no educational value. And so, in the vain of Schoolhouse Rock (and in part because of my continuing nostalgia from Monday,) I'm thinking of a favorite childhood toy of mine. Does anyone remember these:
One of the simple joys of my childhood was playing the hangman-type game on Speak and Spell, and hoping that "Scissors" would be the eight-letter word. It was so rewarding to see half of the letters come up with the push of one key. I also learned how to share as a child, so I found a way for you to play!
Have a great Wednesday!
One of the simple joys of my childhood was playing the hangman-type game on Speak and Spell, and hoping that "Scissors" would be the eight-letter word. It was so rewarding to see half of the letters come up with the push of one key. I also learned how to share as a child, so I found a way for you to play!
Have a great Wednesday!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday Nostalgia
I spent a small part of Saturday morning watching the Rugrats on DVD. Does anybody remember them? Knock-kneed, large-headed infants explore the world - and through some wonderful form of magic, they are able to share their pre-verbal musings with us. Sometimes I get nostalgic for childhood. And I think sometimes on Monday, we all get nostalgic for Saturday. Or Friday night. Or any day that isn't Monday.
In honor of Saturday morning cartoons, though, it's time for a commercial break: Remember these? I don't know if they're so much funny as they are 80's-ish, but 80's-ish can be pretty funny anyway. I think the main humor here is that these actually existed:
And now back to our show...
I loved pro wrestling as a kid. And now, as a grown-up kid, I realize the humor I missed as a child, watching grown men in spandex calling themselves "Bastion Booger" and "Battle Kat." Wrestling was my Saturday morning cartoon, though, and so let's watch some together in honor of Saturday.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this contest is a "loser must flee" match - the winner will be the contestant who makes his opponent ... run away! In the blue suit - "Baby Blue" -- and in the shiny black, "Felixus Maximus."
Have a reminiscent week!
In honor of Saturday morning cartoons, though, it's time for a commercial break: Remember these? I don't know if they're so much funny as they are 80's-ish, but 80's-ish can be pretty funny anyway. I think the main humor here is that these actually existed:
And now back to our show...
I loved pro wrestling as a kid. And now, as a grown-up kid, I realize the humor I missed as a child, watching grown men in spandex calling themselves "Bastion Booger" and "Battle Kat." Wrestling was my Saturday morning cartoon, though, and so let's watch some together in honor of Saturday.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this contest is a "loser must flee" match - the winner will be the contestant who makes his opponent ... run away! In the blue suit - "Baby Blue" -- and in the shiny black, "Felixus Maximus."
Have a reminiscent week!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Late Night TV
It's pretty late right now - and what better to fill those late night hours than infomercials. They have just enough plot to keep you interested (Will Sarah EVER be able to get out that unsightly coffee stain from her carpet?), enough repetition to make sure that even in a state of sleep-deprivation you get the point, and a thrilling crescendo (not $99, not $69, not $59, not even $49... only 4 easy payments of $11.99).
The problem with watching TV late at night is that even this seems like a legitimate purchase:
Although - admit it - you were hooked from the beginning. How WILL she be able to keep her shoulder from being chafed.
Turn about is fair play, though. Recording these infomercials in a state of deprivation can also lead to some poor life choices:
(If you don't have nine minutes, skip ahead to 7:25 - 7:55). "Why can't these products just work like they say they do.)
* some offensive language.
Have a nice day - but guard your wallet at night.
The problem with watching TV late at night is that even this seems like a legitimate purchase:
Although - admit it - you were hooked from the beginning. How WILL she be able to keep her shoulder from being chafed.
Turn about is fair play, though. Recording these infomercials in a state of deprivation can also lead to some poor life choices:
(If you don't have nine minutes, skip ahead to 7:25 - 7:55). "Why can't these products just work like they say they do.)
* some offensive language.
Have a nice day - but guard your wallet at night.
Monday, March 15, 2010
License and Registration, Please.
Most of hate commuting. I live in LA, where a 40-mile drive can easily take three hours, if you time it wrong. Still, it's quicker than running. There's a really loose connection between commuting and driver's licenses, but I'm going to use it anyway. The stereotype is that license photos are usually pretty bad. I actually don't mind mine, because it's from a time when I weighed quite a bit less than I do now. It says I weigh less than I do now, too. And if age is your enemy instead of weight, the license can be your friend yet again. There's a story that a famous actress was found to have altered her date of birth on her license to seem a bit younger. http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20121158,00.html
A few guys in Virginia decided to just go with the usual flow, though, and see how --- uniquely --- they could get their photos to come out. Check it out.
Makes you feel at least a little better, right? And... what would happen if they got pulled over by this guy:
A few guys in Virginia decided to just go with the usual flow, though, and see how --- uniquely --- they could get their photos to come out. Check it out.
Makes you feel at least a little better, right? And... what would happen if they got pulled over by this guy:
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Ten Minute Humor
The workweek (or school week) (or just Monday and the four days after it) usually involve a lot of stress, deadlines, impatient people, rude people, mistakes, lunches eaten too quickly, traffic, and maybe more talk radio than is healthy. It makes us irritable and tense, but creates substantial need for therapists and masseurs.
Enter humor - laughing burns calories, relieves stress, and creates opportunities for socialization (just like cigarettes, except cheaper and no yellow teeth. Plus you can do it inside without endangering others' health.) Ten minutes of laughing a day might just turn a crappy day into -- well, something survivable. Or enjoyable. And it fits into a standard cigarette break, so you don't even have to feel guilty about it.
I like to laugh, and I like to share what I find funny -- sometimes something is funny on its own merit; sometimes things are funny unintentionally, but the laughter is pretty much the same. I'll also throw in some fascinating things. And some fun things. So let's try to spend ten minutes most work days laughing together. See you on Monday, but until then --
A fairly recent trend on the internet has been literal music videos - musicians take a vintage music video, and replace the audio track with a more apt, but still musical, description of what's going on. See if you like it better than the original:
Just for comparison's sake - here's the original, which also might seem a little funny:
See you on Monday.
Enter humor - laughing burns calories, relieves stress, and creates opportunities for socialization (just like cigarettes, except cheaper and no yellow teeth. Plus you can do it inside without endangering others' health.) Ten minutes of laughing a day might just turn a crappy day into -- well, something survivable. Or enjoyable. And it fits into a standard cigarette break, so you don't even have to feel guilty about it.
I like to laugh, and I like to share what I find funny -- sometimes something is funny on its own merit; sometimes things are funny unintentionally, but the laughter is pretty much the same. I'll also throw in some fascinating things. And some fun things. So let's try to spend ten minutes most work days laughing together. See you on Monday, but until then --
A fairly recent trend on the internet has been literal music videos - musicians take a vintage music video, and replace the audio track with a more apt, but still musical, description of what's going on. See if you like it better than the original:
Just for comparison's sake - here's the original, which also might seem a little funny:
See you on Monday.
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